This longing in my heart
To be someone important
To be heard.
To be inspirational.
To do life changing work.
To help.
To heal.
To be extraordinary.
To feel accomplished.
Like I have a purpose in this world...
Is masked by a big cloud of I can't.
A lingering undertone of "yeah right"
"You have to live in the real world Dyamond."
Don't we all have dreams?
Who made the rule that said only some of us should follow them?
Who made the rule that said some of us have to do work we hate to get by.
Why do so many of us accept that's "just the way it is?"
Why?
I write this out of anger, and confusion...
The greats say we are all extraordinary.
Beautiful.
We are all that is.
We are the universe.
Yet we focus on getting material possessions,
and forget how to live.
How to dream.
How to believe in ourselves.
Can I help people believe in themselves again?
Can I help me believe in myself again?
Can we help each other as a collective?
To believe in humanity?
How many of us read inspirational words all the time,
yet do not see that same inspiration around us in our daily lives?
We read a good blog post, a good quote, a feel-good video,
then we go out into the world.
No one looks at each other.
People are miserable.
And so many of us spew negativity,
and pass judgement on others,
tell each other that our dreams are bullshit.
People who get out of the hell we all live in are magical beings.
That life isn't meant for us.
We would rather listen to those with "status" than follow our own wisdom
Or the wisdom of our peers.
Can we start conversations with strangers?
Can we begin looking people in the eye?
Can we openly talk about our dreams,
without secretly believing that person is bound to fail?
Can we recognize that everyone's dreams will look different,
and not everyone wants to be rich and famous?
I don't know how many times I've been told:
"That's a dreamer job"
Or asked: "Does that pay a lot?"
Or, "You should do X. They may (this amount of money) an hour"
Or the subtle hints of doubt that I can even achieve what I want
Because some people really don't know who the fuck I am.
If I want to live in a positive world I have to be positive.
I totally get that.
But sometimes- a lot of times- having like-minded people around us makes doing that so much easier.
When you attempt to smile at someone, and they avoid your eyes,
Or when you attempt to have an actual conversation with someone and they are barely engaged,
When people would rather gather in corners to make fun of someone,
instead of seeing their brightness.
Being positive seems like one of those dream things...
But I have learned "Impossible means I'm possible."
And all I need is Love.
That I am meant to do amazing things.
That I can always begin again.
And opportunity lies in the middle of difficulty.
And I'll be honest with you:
Everyday I fight discouragement.
Everyday I have "why is my life this way" moments.
Everyday I think "fuck everything"
Everyday I doubt myself.
Everyday I tell myself my dreams will not come true.
Everyday I hide my own intelligence.
Everyday I hide my beliefs.
Everyday I want to give up.
But I fight those feelings everyday.
Everyday I tell myself I am abundant in blessings and Love.
Everyday I try to see beauty in the world.
Everyday I try to smile to at least one person I do not know.
Everyday I say YES I CAN.
Everyday I grow a little more.
Everyday I thank myself just for trying.
The negativity becomes a little smaller everyday.
I cannot give up. That's just not my style.
Getting angry, feeling hopeless, discouraged, defeated, is all part of the journey.
There is great danger in suppressing those feelings.
I hope we can all begin to live our truth.
I hope we all can understand that we can be an inspiration unto others.
Yes, "little old you."
I hope we can begin to uplift each other,
instead of buying into the belief that none of us can follow our true path.
It is not fair to deny yourself all the beauty this world has to offer.
And I'll work on changing too.
We'll work on changing together.
What do you say?
2 comments:
I say I'm in! beautiful, and just exactly where I am today. Thanks, woman!
I'm always in for embracing the whole of life.
People have been telling my whole life what I am able to do or what not. I was not able to study what I wanted, or to do what I want. Or love. What hurt the most was that it came from the people who are suppose to nurture my growth in this world. I suppose even in that there is a lesson to be learned though, something I want myself to remember.
I take comfort in the great teachings that say that each one of us have a role to play, no matter how blind we are to see that. Our ripples extend far beyond our vision, and our inspiration of others, take time and happen in small increments, not always big profound steps. I also find that it is the small steps that really last.
There are times I wish my role was bigger, and other times I wish I was still asleep. But for the most part I play my part and pretend that I am assured that even the littlest job that I do, somehow affects the greater functioning of this world.
I also remember that even those that bring us down, aren't always that way. But even when they are, they have something to teach, just like all people we come into contact with.
All that I can do is live my life as I choose, refusing it to be dictated by those who would bring me down. It works sometimes and sometimes not. I am learning to breathe and let it go.
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